That’s kind of where I’m at. I keep trying to keep myself moving forward, but it’s hard when everything feels like futility.
Lately I’ve been dreaming about moving overseas, or at least out of the country. This is clearly not the country I thought it was, and it doesn’t feel safe anymore. But my mom is here, and she needs me…the rest of my family is here too and I know they love me but they don’t need me. She needs me. Plus I’d have to do it with a really huge gamble, I’d have to go with little or no money, I probably have enough to get a plane ticket but not much more. And travel with Loki would be hard and expensive. Less so if i just packed the car and drove for Canada, which is 4 1/2 hours, but anywhere further would be rough. It’s a pipedream, i know it is, just …a comforting thought? “I could run” shouldn’t be a comforting thought, but here we are.
Meanwhile, I keep trudging forward with working on the house. I know it’s not real, I know I can’t really run away. So I need to keep working on the house, even if the future is dark and grim and full of fear.
So i finally put up the plant hook and removed the tension pole I’ve had up there for a year or more. It looks better and I was able to clean the vent that was pinned under the tension-pole foot. ugh. I put mesh down there to catch stray cat-toys but it was full of dust and fur and …ew. 🤮
I also put up plant hooks on the porch, they can’t be used all year ’round but they’re good for summer. The lower pot on the left is also my herb garden, hopefully it’s reborn soon!
oh I also put up privacy film, some that’s pretty and some for actual privacy, plus it keeps me from scaring birds right off the feeder.
This is the far corner of the bedroom and it’s almost done. I need to start working on the ceiling more, the paneling is mostly done except the near-right corner. Gotta move things around more to get at that but I sprained my ankle last weekend and negotiating stairs is problematic.
I also put a bit more work into cleaning up the garden, and planted carrots, marigolds, wildflowers, lettuce and misc herbs, and morning glories. But that was yesterday and I’m not giving you pictures of dirt, so we’ll just pretend it looks like this! 🤩
Next paycheck I need to get the landscape timber and start working on building more garden beds, and then probably the one after, get the dirt to fill them and start rebuilding lawn over at least part of the lawn-gash where the pine trees were. I’ve got as much gravel out as I can, I’m just going to cover it up with cardboard and dirt and plant grass. It won’t be super-level but I think it’ll work well enough.
The garden beds will need to be laid out right, I do have a serviceberry tree and currant bush in the ground that will stay there, there’s also daylilies but those can get moved, and wild strawberries too.
Or maybe I won’t go with landscape timber? Maybe I’ll drop in and visit my buddy at the lumber yard and see what he has to say about doing it cheaper. we’ll see.
Chugging along…
