I’m very conscious of doing a whole “eleanor rigby” thing, if you recall the lyrics, they’re preparing for a day that will never come, “who is it for?” “no one is there”.
It’s part of why I didn’t expand this website further. what’s the point? nobody looks.
but renee does. <3 🥹
so i’m not entirely alone out here on the vast seas of the internet. I had hoped with people increasingly leaving social media, that people having their own websites or at least little blogs like this would make a comeback, but ..it’s really slow. I feel like it’s coming up? but really slow. and meanwhile, we’re all learning to be alone.
my cousin died alone in his apartment recently. he had had a bad stroke years ago, when he was in his 30s, and it changed his whole personality, nobody was really in contact with him anymore, by which I mean the family. but …also apparently “nobody” in general, either. because last I heard they thought his body had been there at least 2-3 days before it was found. obviously we can’t ask my aunt, she’s a WRECK that her only son died alone and she’ll only feel worse if it was longer. but…i’m conscious of it.
I am increasingly feeling like I’m going to die without ever having lived at all. Almost none of what I wanted to do is even on the horizon. i always wanted to travel. to see the world. to build a community, to have a partner, close friends. doesn’t work that way. I’m not a person who that works for. I like my own space, my privacy, I like to do my own thing on my own schedule, and everyone else does NOT.
plus, there’s money. or rather, there’s NOT money. nopenope. no money. stay home and prepare, the worst is yet to come. or maybe aliens will come and blow up the earth to build a hyperspace bypass.
