I’m very conscious of doing a whole “eleanor rigby” thing, if you recall the lyrics, they’re preparing for a day that will never come, “who is it for?” “no one is there”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s part of why I didn’t expand this website further. what’s the point? nobody looks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
but renee does. <3 \ud83e\udd79 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
so i’m not entirely alone out here on the vast seas of the internet. I had hoped with people increasingly leaving social media, that people having their own websites or at least little blogs like this would make a comeback, but ..it’s really slow. I feel like it’s coming up? but really slow. and meanwhile, we’re all learning to be alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
my cousin died alone in his apartment recently. he had had a bad stroke years ago, when he was in his 30s, and it changed his whole personality, nobody was really in contact with him anymore, by which I mean the family. but …also apparently “nobody” in general, either. because last I heard they thought his body had been there at least 2-3 days before it was found. obviously we can’t ask my aunt, she’s a WRECK that her only son died alone and she’ll only feel worse if it was longer. but…i’m conscious of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am increasingly feeling like I’m going to die without ever having lived at all. Almost none of what I wanted to do is even on the horizon. i always wanted to travel. to see the world. to build a community, to have a partner, close friends. doesn’t work that way. I’m not a person who that works for. I like my own space, my privacy, I like to do my own thing on my own schedule, and everyone else does NOT. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
plus, there’s money. or rather, there’s NOT money. nopenope. no money. stay home and prepare, the worst is yet to come. or maybe aliens will come and blow up the earth to build a hyperspace bypass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n